Over the course of a dreadful week
The chaos sunk me into a state of dreariness, and I'm rising back up
Everyone’s subjective view of the world is different. Ever since Trump was elected in the 2024 US presidential campaign, I have been on a journey of acceptance of people with opposite viewpoints to me, a journey of understanding what ties us together all as human beings, and a journey of growing my love towards all the life on this planet.
The personal growth is ongoing but I made some ground. That said, this week has been a complicated week for me. I spent mornings scrolling through news articles and weeping. I felt a lack of connection to my work, as I questioned if any of what I did mattered and on a more meta scale, whether I even belonged in tech. A physical fatigue would plague me as I carried cognitive burdens and emotional baggage with me 24/7. Even my dreams were disturbed and reflected the dissonance and turmoil within me.
Some people’s view of the state of government in the US is neutral or even positive. In my small bubble, I would see things in such a way too, because my life has not been tangibly affected at all. However, I do not think that apathy due to a lack of attention to politics and other people’s lives, complacency due to feeling like you have not been impacted too badly—or surrender because you are “just one person” who cannot change anything—is the kind of response I personally would choose to have. I believe that if people care enough, they can make a difference, and the world really needs a difference.
A brief retracing to my journey of acceptance and all-inclusive love. While “inner peace” is a much-stated goal of meditation and personal growth, I do not accept the belief that harboring inner turmoil and rage is a sign of underdeveloped character. Minimizing severe dissatisfaction with society into a state of “needing to chill” would be like diminishing political protest to “holding a grudge.” The source of the rage I am talking about is much grander in scope and significant in its meaning to all of us than a regular qualm that would warrant simply “letting it go”.
And so, while I will still utilize coping mechanisms like I did starting in November—practicing self-care, meditating, talking with others—I do not expect my inner rage to decline to zero until the root of the problems has been solved, and that is justified.
I understand that people who do not feel the same pain I do may be reading this, and they may want to know the source of my so-called rage. It’s a fact that people are exposed to very different pieces of information depending on where they live, what they do, who their friends are, and what media sources they go to. You might not know the same facts I know. Even if we both know everything about the state of the world right now, you do not know my personal experience of it that is causing so much cognitive dissonance for me.
So, this essay may be lacking a lot of context for the reader. Take from it whatever use you can and discard the rest.
I will leave you with two pieces of learning that I am using to pull myself out of the state of dreariness I sunk into, in hopes that it might resonate or help.
The world is still beautiful
I’m struggling with a feeling of not belonging in the world. “Do I even want to belong to it?” is something I would ask myself. The right answer to that might be “no” and that’s perfectly fine. You don’t have to belong here in order to live here, and it is a place worth living in.
The immense, blue oceans are crushing against the coasts. Green and wildflowers are washing over landscapes entering spring. The natural world is always there to revere, and the creativity of people is just as unyielding. These are forces we cannot touch.
Love, too. There is still something out there for you to love. That is a fact.
Enemies might be hiding allies
It’s easy to feel like you’re surrounded by enemies. People “on the other side”, people “who don’t understand,” people “who just can’t get it.”
The chasms between groups of people are wide and they aren’t helping us fix the world. But, I’ve learned that some chasms might only appear to be so. In reality, there are many bridges between us on opposite sides.
I’ll reveal that recently, a part of my mind has been working on how to take down the patriarchy and bring about a more equitable world. On a daily basis, I was surrounded by men to a point of exhaustion. I only reached that point because I started to associate the men in my circles with the meta phenomena of patriarchy and misogyny that are happening in the world today. However, talking to some men, I learned that a lot of us want the same things and we are similarly motivated to fight for a better world. Had I not realized that, I would have missed out on many potential allies.
Similarly, one might cast people as outsiders and enemies based on a simple glance. I would encourage you to have faith in the possibility of finding common ground if that removes any cognitive blockers for you.
This is only a short article and of course it doesn’t contain any definitive answers to what’s happening around us. I will end by saying it’s okay to not be okay. I hope that things will get better soon, and in the meantime, I hope that you will be patient with yourself.